he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
