didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
