I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize