i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
