if only i could text you this smell
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
