tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
