i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
