He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize