I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize