Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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