Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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