The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
