How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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