just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
