and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
