there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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