She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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