he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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