my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
