The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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