Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
