I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
