That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Fuck appropriateness.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
