I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
