dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My dad just said "fuck circus"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
