i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize