I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
