i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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