you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
