i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
