im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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