I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
