he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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