ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
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