I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
