My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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