i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize