You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my shit smells like andre
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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