I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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