Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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