it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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