Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
