Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
