Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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