never play flip cup with pint glasses
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
