hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
