Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
