I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
