I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
