I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
