Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
