I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
