I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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