i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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