So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
