Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
