he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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